You wouldn’t be wise
To follow my path.
I barely got out of Troy alive
Because I stole Barbie
And felt her ex’s wrath.
This sort of thing is standard
In my star-studded lifestyle.
I will blaze dungeons down
Before I’m captured,
Laughing all the while.
But if you come with me
They will track us
Like a fox on a ‘coon trail.
We will hide in a hurricane,
Escaping with minor fuss.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
The mail you sent me was hot
I put it in an almanac
And look it up a lot.
You’re between Fiona and Katrina
But I forget everyone else
After I’ve seen ya.
In January I get cold
But I flip open to your page
And the view never gets old.
One of these nights
I’m going to take you to Alaska
And show you a temple of lights.
There’ll be an attendance of two
It’ll be my one shot
And I hope I never miss you.
I put it in an almanac
And look it up a lot.
You’re between Fiona and Katrina
But I forget everyone else
After I’ve seen ya.
In January I get cold
But I flip open to your page
And the view never gets old.
One of these nights
I’m going to take you to Alaska
And show you a temple of lights.
There’ll be an attendance of two
It’ll be my one shot
And I hope I never miss you.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
My Toyota is better for a pep rally
Than a race. You can push the gas,
Give it wings and it’ll jet over a valley.
But highways are not airports
So maybe I’d be better with a VW Golf,
If its ugliness doesn’t put me out of sorts.
Those are two options, but here’s a third,
One that can win at Bristol,
Even if it is absurd,
I’ll build a vehicle all mine
Built out of enthusiasm
And call it Hawktimus Prime.
Than a race. You can push the gas,
Give it wings and it’ll jet over a valley.
But highways are not airports
So maybe I’d be better with a VW Golf,
If its ugliness doesn’t put me out of sorts.
Those are two options, but here’s a third,
One that can win at Bristol,
Even if it is absurd,
I’ll build a vehicle all mine
Built out of enthusiasm
And call it Hawktimus Prime.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
There is a path though the woods
That ultimately results in a traffic jam
Because transportation is rickety
And the fastest rickshaw is pulled by a lamb.
If you venture through this timber land
Make sure you have some rice
Or you’ll be stuck for days without food
And I hope you can stay nice.
There might be some traveling performers
Who will light a fire to dance by
But if they’re too repulsive
You’ll be pressed to look to the sky.
So on you go, on your way to skip the toll,
Pack all but the kitchen sink,
And cart it all over the knoll.
When it gets too heavy, just think:
“At least it’s not heavier than my soul.”
That ultimately results in a traffic jam
Because transportation is rickety
And the fastest rickshaw is pulled by a lamb.
If you venture through this timber land
Make sure you have some rice
Or you’ll be stuck for days without food
And I hope you can stay nice.
There might be some traveling performers
Who will light a fire to dance by
But if they’re too repulsive
You’ll be pressed to look to the sky.
So on you go, on your way to skip the toll,
Pack all but the kitchen sink,
And cart it all over the knoll.
When it gets too heavy, just think:
“At least it’s not heavier than my soul.”
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
About Daily Rhymes of the Times
This blog started with an interest in SEO and accessible poetry. The idea is to use daily top trending search terms on Google, Twitter and popular news sites (with the occasional quirky or fun site thrown in) and craft a poem in which I usually rhyme. I use the keywords out of context then link to the relevant site or news article. Reading Daily Rhymes of the Times should be like skimming HuffPo or using Twitter or Facebook as a news aggregator, with the important difference of reading a limerick every Friday.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Who’s afraid of Tiger Woods?
Not his wife, who stood
Her ground and gained freedom
From her marital cell, although some
Will miss their less perfect union,
The golfer fits this definition
(linked here on the internet).
Maybe now his private life is set
And he will win again
Otherwise his career is fin,
And he might as well go to Venus
Where he can play alone with his X.
Not his wife, who stood
Her ground and gained freedom
From her marital cell, although some
Will miss their less perfect union,
The golfer fits this definition
(linked here on the internet).
Maybe now his private life is set
And he will win again
Otherwise his career is fin,
And he might as well go to Venus
Where he can play alone with his X.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Was the trampoline the cause of death
Or do you blame bad vision
For missing the swimming pool
And falling like a stone?
It certainly could be blamed on incorrect foresight.
Swamps make better landing places
For these types of stunts.
Although the creatures there
Could hold you hostage
Possibly even impregnate you
And then make you marry them
Like some sort of Scandinavian syndrome
Transported to the tropical wilds.
If this is the case, don’t expect to play tennis,
Just sit back and enjoy your black & milds
Because your pool party has just turned into a menace
And your next task will be to host your child’s.
Or do you blame bad vision
For missing the swimming pool
And falling like a stone?
It certainly could be blamed on incorrect foresight.
Swamps make better landing places
For these types of stunts.
Although the creatures there
Could hold you hostage
Possibly even impregnate you
And then make you marry them
Like some sort of Scandinavian syndrome
Transported to the tropical wilds.
If this is the case, don’t expect to play tennis,
Just sit back and enjoy your black & milds
Because your pool party has just turned into a menace
And your next task will be to host your child’s.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Limerick Friday #11
My life inundated with corporate talk
Was a fairy tale like Jack’s beanstalk
But it was erased
Now there’s no trace
And all signs point to a hiring gridlock.
Was a fairy tale like Jack’s beanstalk
But it was erased
Now there’s no trace
And all signs point to a hiring gridlock.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
This is no bull,
You are truly good for me.
As if you’re the opposite of salmonella
You’ll never make me sickly.
You’re as delicious to the eye
As a fresh club sandwich
After a rough round of golf,
Except you’re not snooty; never a bitch.
Sometimes I want to peel you like a banana
And see your soul laid bare.
But sometimes I crack you like an egg
And that’s hardly fair.
Now I promise to be gentle
You have my word.
We can hand-feed each other
Like two nurturing birds.
So fly south with me
Like a swan on the Pacific.
We’ll see all places from the air,
Together, we’ll be terrific.
You are truly good for me.
As if you’re the opposite of salmonella
You’ll never make me sickly.
You’re as delicious to the eye
As a fresh club sandwich
After a rough round of golf,
Except you’re not snooty; never a bitch.
Sometimes I want to peel you like a banana
And see your soul laid bare.
But sometimes I crack you like an egg
And that’s hardly fair.
Now I promise to be gentle
You have my word.
We can hand-feed each other
Like two nurturing birds.
So fly south with me
Like a swan on the Pacific.
We’ll see all places from the air,
Together, we’ll be terrific.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
You may see me with incredible hair
I tend to it everyday
My locks are a symptom of utmost care.
I may roll by with a dope vest
I dress myself in the window
To show fashion what’s best.
I recall an amendment allowing me to strut
Walk this way like a good man
And when you step, wag your butt.
But remember, if you egg me on the sidewalk
It’ll cause no public injury
Because yokes don’t hurt as much as talk.
I tend to it everyday
My locks are a symptom of utmost care.
I may roll by with a dope vest
I dress myself in the window
To show fashion what’s best.
I recall an amendment allowing me to strut
Walk this way like a good man
And when you step, wag your butt.
But remember, if you egg me on the sidewalk
It’ll cause no public injury
Because yokes don’t hurt as much as talk.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I was manning the ship
With the sheet at my hip
When youthful Lawrence quipped
“We’re gonna dip
The boat in bleach!”
I was shocked,
Turned toward the beach
At a full reach.
I told the lass,
“We need a priest and mass.”
But as I recall, he was shooting up the mast.
So at last
I grabbed my compass,
Put his throat to my cutlass,
And frankly declared,
“We will continue to sail the world
No matter if the milk is curdled
So get those sails unfurled,
But first to port to get tequila and girls!”
With the sheet at my hip
When youthful Lawrence quipped
“We’re gonna dip
The boat in bleach!”
I was shocked,
Turned toward the beach
At a full reach.
I told the lass,
“We need a priest and mass.”
But as I recall, he was shooting up the mast.
So at last
I grabbed my compass,
Put his throat to my cutlass,
And frankly declared,
“We will continue to sail the world
No matter if the milk is curdled
So get those sails unfurled,
But first to port to get tequila and girls!”
Monday, August 16, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Too much tequila could be a killer
But how much is too?
One, two, three, floor, five
Will make you retire.
If you’re at the club
Or dancing in the district
You’ll probably go loco
And slam too many back
Because the music is blaring
And you’ll feel under attack.
I’d suggest a different approach
Maybe host a pig roast
And let someone else shoot the most.
But how much is too?
One, two, three, floor, five
Will make you retire.
If you’re at the club
Or dancing in the district
You’ll probably go loco
And slam too many back
Because the music is blaring
And you’ll feel under attack.
I’d suggest a different approach
Maybe host a pig roast
And let someone else shoot the most.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I might be hairy
But I’ll give you a berry
And shower you with gifts.
If your heart I lift
I expect you to shift
In favor of me, instead
Of staying straight on course.
We will head
Like a wild horse,
Or caribou, to where air
Meets water,
And I’ll yell loud or whisper softer.
If we could, we’ll float like wood.
The birds will chipper, we’ll be always hipper,
Though never hipster,
And we’ll have the longest standing love that ever stood.
But I’ll give you a berry
And shower you with gifts.
If your heart I lift
I expect you to shift
In favor of me, instead
Of staying straight on course.
We will head
Like a wild horse,
Or caribou, to where air
Meets water,
And I’ll yell loud or whisper softer.
If we could, we’ll float like wood.
The birds will chipper, we’ll be always hipper,
Though never hipster,
And we’ll have the longest standing love that ever stood.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
We are dots in the universe
But there’s a line connecting me and you.
Like meteors in the sky,
We are everlastingly connected to this venue.
We can rush to each other
And create streaks in the night.
We are moons, creating floods of tides on earth.
We shift water in wells
And when full, we generate mirth.
Sometimes it’s me vs. you
When disagreements come out of the blue.
In the event we crash into each other
We’ll be tigers: roaring, lovers.
We have a city of our own;
We’ll never be alone.
If you let me, I’ll hold you forever on the jetty
Until we become memorials made of stone.
But there’s a line connecting me and you.
Like meteors in the sky,
We are everlastingly connected to this venue.
We can rush to each other
And create streaks in the night.
We are moons, creating floods of tides on earth.
We shift water in wells
And when full, we generate mirth.
Sometimes it’s me vs. you
When disagreements come out of the blue.
In the event we crash into each other
We’ll be tigers: roaring, lovers.
We have a city of our own;
We’ll never be alone.
If you let me, I’ll hold you forever on the jetty
Until we become memorials made of stone.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Last time I saw you
I showed some reserve
This game isn’t a speedway
And my goal is around the curve.
You are my top choice
It is no accident
I see the trees and the woods
But my priorities aren’t bent.
I’ll kill a spider for you
And listen about children
But when it comes down to it
I’ll need some protection.
I’ll always be your attendant
And I’ll give back 100 times
All that from you to me was lent.
I showed some reserve
This game isn’t a speedway
And my goal is around the curve.
You are my top choice
It is no accident
I see the trees and the woods
But my priorities aren’t bent.
I’ll kill a spider for you
And listen about children
But when it comes down to it
I’ll need some protection.
I’ll always be your attendant
And I’ll give back 100 times
All that from you to me was lent.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
When I was hawking with my Welch buddies
We caught 11 rodents on this social outing
I sensed it wasn’t enough
Because my best bud, Jim, was pouting.
We climbed into the van
And roved over country land.
When we hit the river, Jim became the killer
Sending some fish to the fire
And some to the orthocenter.
Now with all our joint forces
We have fish, rodents and horses,
And our dinner is a bountiful metamorphosis.
We caught 11 rodents on this social outing
I sensed it wasn’t enough
Because my best bud, Jim, was pouting.
We climbed into the van
And roved over country land.
When we hit the river, Jim became the killer
Sending some fish to the fire
And some to the orthocenter.
Now with all our joint forces
We have fish, rodents and horses,
And our dinner is a bountiful metamorphosis.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Limerick Friday #9
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
This is the season of dog days
On a hot planet where sunbathers lay.
A child goes down a slide, shouting aptly,
Whoooooppppeeeeeee!”
Other kids play army rangers,
Not fully aware of real world dangers.
Tweens check out the wave pool,
Then turn to text b/c they’re too cool.
Girls in bandanas stroll through the wheat
Country singers
note that stroll is so sweet.
A couple shares a pint of Unilever,
And life guards are busier than a beaver.
The water is cool and the skies are clear.
This is the best time of the year.
On a hot planet where sunbathers lay.
A child goes down a slide, shouting aptly,
Whoooooppppeeeeeee!”
Other kids play army rangers,
Not fully aware of real world dangers.
Tweens check out the wave pool,
Then turn to text b/c they’re too cool.
Girls in bandanas stroll through the wheat
Country singers
note that stroll is so sweet.A couple shares a pint of Unilever,
And life guards are busier than a beaver.
The water is cool and the skies are clear.
This is the best time of the year.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
This is a dialogue between you and me
I’m a mariner and this is my bottle in the sea.
Maybe your dog will find it on the beach
And after years of wandering I’ll reach you
And I’ll know my ability for speech is not a loss.
Eventually you’ll be my housewife, we’ll lie in the moss
Like ancient triceratops eating bread with olive sauce.
Apparently our house will be on the ground,
No walls, just a mound, and we’ll live on the lee.
That is, if you accept this proposition from me.
In the meantime, I’ll keep writing with a fishbone
Bobbing on the ocean with a bottle, but still alone.
I’m a mariner and this is my bottle in the sea.
Maybe your dog will find it on the beach
And after years of wandering I’ll reach you
And I’ll know my ability for speech is not a loss.
Eventually you’ll be my housewife, we’ll lie in the moss
Like ancient triceratops eating bread with olive sauce.
Apparently our house will be on the ground,
No walls, just a mound, and we’ll live on the lee.
That is, if you accept this proposition from me.
In the meantime, I’ll keep writing with a fishbone
Bobbing on the ocean with a bottle, but still alone.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
All I wanted to seal was the deal
Because it was a steal.
But I couldn’t swallow it
So I’ll wallow in it.
Maybe I’ll awkwardly retire
By torching this place
Like a tire fire burning higher
Making haste to lay waste.
Are we still together or did we break up?
My blackberry still contains our pre-nup.
If you’re a bachelorette, and you sign me,
I’ll be your Viking
Forever carrying you out to sea.
Because it was a steal.
But I couldn’t swallow it
So I’ll wallow in it.
Maybe I’ll awkwardly retire
By torching this place
Like a tire fire burning higher
Making haste to lay waste.
Are we still together or did we break up?
My blackberry still contains our pre-nup.
If you’re a bachelorette, and you sign me,
I’ll be your Viking
Forever carrying you out to sea.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Where are you from when you’ve lived a lot of places,
Seen a lot of airports and passed a lot of faces?
The news from Iraq comes back on all the stations,
You can watch it with friends, cousins and all other relations.
You can trek on high desert plains
Or you can wade in the flood when it rains;
Chew on sugar canes and slam back Hurricanes.
Just don’t call the monkey a gorilla,
And if you’re hungry, eat enough to fill ya.
There’s no formula for getting through it,
And if, once you review it, you think you blew it,
There’ll be another chance to renew it.
Seen a lot of airports and passed a lot of faces?
The news from Iraq comes back on all the stations,
You can watch it with friends, cousins and all other relations.
You can trek on high desert plains
Or you can wade in the flood when it rains;
Chew on sugar canes and slam back Hurricanes.
Just don’t call the monkey a gorilla,
And if you’re hungry, eat enough to fill ya.
There’s no formula for getting through it,
And if, once you review it, you think you blew it,
There’ll be another chance to renew it.
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