Limerick Friday #33

Some half-children and half-men went down to a park
They thought with grace they saw an angel and said, “hark”
It wasn’t what they predicted
It was a card saying, “Evicted”
Which taught them all their futures were dark.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Is it snowing?
Or is that frozen sunshine
Falling down and blowing
All around?

It’s no accident
That the government shutdown
All the tunnels
That run into town.

There were afraid
We’d take an iceberg to the head
Like a thunderbolt
And then been laid down dead.

These weather pranks
Are toying with my emotions.
I’m going to launch myself
To all the tropical oceans.

Wednesday, February, 23, 2011

When it comes to burgers
I’m defenseless.
Cover one in buffalo sauce
And I’d chow it like I’m reckless.

I’ll give ya a mad lib:
Fill in a sound a stomach makes
When it sees a burger
And rumbles like an earthquake.

I get it,
I’m no Tennyson.
But I also won’t bargain for any burger
That you happen to jettison.

I don’t have
Victorian principles,
But I’m also so hungry
I’m forgetting to count syllables.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

When I was younger I wanted to be a pirate
I thought I could swagger like a pro
But sometimes I would take a break
To fight dragons like Bilbo.

Apparently I wanted to be a stylist
When I hacked myself a new haircut,
For I time I wanted Dave Barry’s job
But then my writing hit a rut.

I’m writing now to notify you
My new dream job could come true
Because all I want to do
Is make dinner everyday for two.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Consider this an invitation
To tell all the world,
In a blog like a banner
That to all has been unfurled.

Maybe it’ll say
“Mission Accomplished”
Like a former president
Who that had wished.

Or maybe you could
Make a movie,
Get a guy named Rufus
To make the soundtrack groovy.

Or maybe you will
Write about dinner
Because there aren’t enough foodie blogs
And a new one will be a winner.

Limerick Friday #32

There once was a city devoted to the rose
The people all put a flower to their nose
They chant more than sing
And they don’t have a king
But by midnight it’s where every slacker goes.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Could computers predict
My love for you?
Could Watson book
A nook for two?

Maybe I’m just a dummy,
Who could be poisoned by emotion,
But I’m driving with passion,
This isn’t powered by mechanical locomotion.

Even positions of planets don’t matter
You could be a leo or a ‘tarius,
But it’s just you and me
And together we will carry us.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I didn’t mean to libel
It was just a case of bad grammar
When I said, “get used”
You saw “get sued”
And now we have a case
Bordering on Madoff proportions.

To be fair
It won’t be the first time
The TSA at Logan
Are confronted with a whale
Of a suit.

It’s just that the plaintiff’s protests
Have always been beaten
By an arsenal of attorneys.

What now can we do?
The metaphorical gun’s to our head.
At this point, I’d rather keep singing to the world
Even if it means our case will end up dead.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Watson, I think our budget is in jeopardy.
We better line up the suspects
And throw away the key.

We can pretend we’re playing wall-ball
Just get me a Spaulding,
We’ll forget about economics
When our behinds are scalding.

Or bring out the dog-and-pony show
And converse with the contestants,
Talk as much as you like,
Maybe we’ll win awards for being hesitant.

Happy Valentine's Day

Eyes are a reflection of the soul.
You have beautiful eyes,
And I love them as I love your soul.
You don’t realize the feelings that arise
When I look at your soul.
Your lips draw me like a magnet to a pole
When the moon like your heart is full
And lights your face like the skies.
But when clouds cover the sky
Your eyes shine like beacons warning me that
Your lips have drawn me too close to a cliff,
Too close to a kiss.
So I close my eyes in anticipation,
Waiting for our lips to touch
And waiting for our souls to connect through the soft touch.
It is almost too much when my eyes open and your eyes open
And our souls look at each other
As if they just met because they did just meet for a second
And combine with the touch.
It is almost too much for me to say, "I love you."
Because words are not necessary when two souls connect
And bring their lips along with them
And love is felt.
So I won’t say I love you,
I’ll just say, "I love your eyes, and you have a beautiful soul."

Limerick Friday #31

There once was an inventor who was real bored
He assembled a white dress and thought he had scored
But he didn’t get his way
Because his monster didn’t stay
And he’s stuck tinkering with a broken down ford.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

You say I sing like Dylan
But I’m a little more tone deaf,
I don’t need a voice coach
I need a voice ref.

I serenade you by your window
As bystanders gawk
But I won’t resign my post
Even if the crowd will mock.

If you call the police
I’ll be booked
But if love is a crime
I’ll be a happy crook.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I can’t help myself, I have a sweet tooth
And I’ll always rob you of your caramel.
I’ll become a pirate acting smooth,
If you hide candy at the end of a jetty.
You should always be on the ready
Because I’ll come from land and seas.
Currents guide me to ice cream,
And jelly beans make me weak in the knees.
You might say I love the thrill of adventure
But it’s the sugar high that gives me the speed I need.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Maybe on Tuesdays
I’ll just post doodles.
Or on slow news days
I’ll just sing carols.

Sometimes a muse will dry
Like tundra or a Midwest well.
But as long as I don’t watch TV
My symptoms won’t be fatal.

So now I’ll think of food
Like Swedish fish or Jimmy Dean.
If that doesn’t lift my mood,
I’ll think of my queen.

Monday, February 7, 2011

The emperor of ice cream ain’t shit.
I’m the marquis of M&Ms,
You could put me on a board
And I’d be a commercial sans words
Hawking Pepsi to the dead.

Who smeared Doritos crumbs
On Joan Rivers’ head?

Give black eyed peas to the bums
In bowls made of lead.

You could youtube this
But it won’t be simulated.
You could give a man a belt
But that won’t mean he’s stimulated.

Ultimately our anthem is a ransom,
Our debt is to be handsome
But each year we get uglier
And then some.

Limerick Friday #30

There once was a femme who was dragged through the street
A parade had been planned but she couldn’t keep to her feet
She sprouted a wing
And heard the crowd sing
You can stop her but she’ll never be beat

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I’ve been searching for ways
To manage my waste.
I don’t want to create a scene
I want to do it with taste.

Maybe I’ll take it to an island
And color the shores green and yellow,
It might trigger a native revolt
But I’d hope the hippies would be mellow.

If I run out of room
Anytime soon
I’ll just shoot it to the moon
And be back to tango by noon.

Then if the earth rises a degree
You won’t be able to place the blame on me.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

I’m going to stick with you
Because you’re sweeter than a honeycomb
To come home to.

I’m so stuck
I need a faucet to wash it
As if I was buried in muck.

You and me
Are like me and my shadow
If the sun shined everyday, anyway.

Let’s launch a love boat
In the canal or the moat
And drift to a lake somewhere remote.

I’ll always choose to forget
How you secretly called security on me
Whatever I do to woo you I never regret.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What to do on a blizzardy day?
Maybe I’ll doodle a noodle,
And think of something stupid to say.

Maybe I’ll host a dinner that’s a mystery,
I’ll go to the farmer’s market
Like cooks have done for all history.

I could find a bird in a bush
And sing a duet
Until I’m told to shush.

Or I’ll write poetry as you mock
Then stand on a national stage,
Grab a guitar and prepare to rock.