What can I say? I'm on vacay.

Enjoy the Holidays - See you in January!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

You put a fire in my heart
And I couldn’t care less
About my health. Because
When our love started
We began with less than stealth.

You know, the only reason
My sentences are enjambed
Is because, like the rainy season,
My heart floods with adoration.
So please employ a little neutrality
Lest my syntax eclipses my reason
For writing so adorningly.

We could give up all these poetics
And let our mouths perform heroics
We wouldn’t have to be stoic
We would just eat blackberries in the sun.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The census said
Mariners bring in fish for food,
But reading the results you don’t get
The smell that comes with the net.
Though the stench is bad, you can’t sue,
We’re also told the fish is good for you.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The pirates in Portland are making a mutiny
They want to see the moon on the solstice
But they will only see it sparingly.

When you’re unemployed for so long
You begin to dodge responsibility,
You’ll keep repeating the same song
And croon to the moon unwittingly.

So maybe it’s time to tap that talent
And get back to making money before it’s spent.
Or if you don’t care to contribute to society
At least chip in on the rent.

Limerick Friday #25

There once was a man who never paid a bill
Eventually that led to his divorce from Jill
He was so lax
To never pay a tax
But he buys more diamonds just for the thrill.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It’s time to assemble our Christmas card,
Not to be grim, but it’s going to be hard.

If we get the pose right, the camera might stop shooting,
But for a successful picture, we’ll keep rooting.

It’ll be the best photo of all the years
Even if it costs a couple tears.

The card should be better than good,
Just like a Christmas tree isn’t just wood.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The king spoke loud and clear
He said, Hit me up
To all the friend he held dear.

He was furious
When the message spread to more,
All who were curious
Crossed the globe to hear his lore.

Some brought scarlet roses
Others thought they’d find a cure,
As they gathered like a tornado
The crowd became a blur.

The king got a riot
When all he wanted was to hang,
He would’ve preferred a whimper
But his message inspired a bang.

Monday, December 13, 2010

My rival was coming soon
So while I waited for his arrival
I put my eyes to the moon.

“Hopefully it won’t take long,”
Says Miley with her bong,
But she’s crazy as a loon.

I don’t know where I find the time
To make an honest rhyme
But it usually happens by noon.

But when no rival arrives
I just don’t have a choice,
I’ll break out in hives
If I don’t use my voice.

Limerick Friday #24

There once was a man who had a best pal
He was a cook who made meat most foul
He learned in London
Food fit for a dungeon
But they’re friendship faded when he went low cal.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I took a book to the brook
But then it started to storm,
So I tried a trip to the beach
Until clouds started to form.

Maybe I’ll reserve a yurt
In a forest with caribou
Where I’ll read words on a shirt
And make French onion stew.

I would read in church
Where I would be alone
But I know as soon I start
I’ll hear the ringtone of a phone.

I hope you don’t think I’m a nerd without tact
But to concentrate I’ll need a contract barring contact.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

What is revealed
At the bottom of the cup?
Maybe a prize you can wield
Or the purr of a pup.

The options could number in the millions
Like stars across the universe,
But of knowing or not knowing
Which is better and which is worse?

All along there’s only one fact:
The only way to know is to interact.

Seeking Guest Daily Rhymer of the Times

When I first started this project
I didn’t know I’d be so invested,
Now as I offer insider trading
I just hope I’m not arrested.

Let me jet to the point
If there are poets wanting a day
In the caverns of interwebs
Send an email my way
And you can rhyme about celebs.

You can write about any trend you feel
So if you’re interested let’s make a deal.

Monday, December 6, 2010

When I didn’t see you
For a couple days,
You may have thought
I’d been injured in any amount of ways.

Despite attending a college hockey game
I escaped without a broken nose,
As I gracefully as I dodged deadlines
I’ll bring your curiosity to a close.

This whole time I’ve been walking
Because I ran out of gas
I need St. Nick in my stocking
To place a Fast Lane pass.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I tried to google your website
But all I saw was angry birds.
What’s wrong with the world
When I can’t type some words
To spy on all you do?
Next thing ya know
The internet will mark us
And friend and foe
Will never be free,
Prisons may spring from parks.
I’m off to hide in the lee
From this crazy wind
Like a televangelist who has sinned.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You had a lot of gall
To whip me in a puzzle of my own creation.
I must be aging
Like old laws in a new nation.
I hope for our sake
That my ancient foundation
Can withstand an earthquake.
Or I hope be on an airplane
When there’s divine rain
The water rises up Broadway
We can go east and away.

Limerick Friday #23

A president had a recipe for a soup of heart
He had the ingredients but didn’t know where to start
He didn’t know why
He started to cry
When he cut onion so instead he made a tart.

Happy Day!

What a great day for living
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

(What a mirth-day, have a great birthday)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What caused your laundry delay?
How long will it last?
You know I hate to say
The stench from your clothes
Is a blast
To my nose
So please wash them fast.
I’ll be thankful for a while
When you make the egg disappear
I’ll no doubt smile
When I hear
You’re lookin’ fine
With clothes as clean as mine.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I was in a garden
Full of black apples
And I thought to myself
I must jailbreak or grapple
With this situation myself
Since my elf was caught up in a stampede
I must take the lead
So I suspended all reason
Gave thanks for the season
And belted out like an opera star.
That’s when things went south
As I tried to go north far
Away from here
But wherever I look,
Behind every nook,
There’s always an apple near.

Monday, November 22, 2010

It was dangerous
I risked being punched
But I avoided assassination
And completed the task before lunch.

I almost had a meltdown
My vision went black,
But like a presbyopic prophet
I look to the far future by not looking back.

If I continue to avoid injury
I’ll take my act on tour
I’ll give the TSA a new name
Because we need more words not fewer.

You see, it’s not all that scary
I’ve just invented
An entirely new dictionary.

Limerick Friday #22

A woman whose favorite thing is mint fudge
Held a cooking contest which she would judge
She ate ‘til she was bloated
But her motives were decoded
When her extension belt just wouldn’t budge.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Adam and Eve were young in Eden
And it may have been a simple mistake
To take from the apple wood
For a family picnic by the lake.

But they were told
“This is my space, not yours.
I have a big eye in the sky,
You will know when it rains, it pours!”

Adam protested, “You know
I prefer berry to apple any day.
But you know how she is, God,
She always gets her way!”

As we know, his plea for an extension
Fell on deaf ears,
And now we’ve paid the price
For nearly sixty-five hundred years!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

When kids cheat
By dancing for a treat
All the scholars will lose
As through the course they cruise.

Wasn’t there a science guy
Who’d build a bridge to “why”?
And now it’s hard to gauge
If the school is actually a cage.

You could put teachers on trial
Or in their shoes walk a mile
But to beat cheats takes guile
And even working to together it’ll take a while.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I was tending to my Farmville patch
Waiting for the eggs to hatch
I was planting seeds to raise
Including peas, peppers and maize.

I found in the reeds on my plot
Some hidden tacos had begun to rot.
Of course, I was quickly compelled
To have them expelled.

But then my hunger really began,
I regretted the ban,
If I don’t get a taco
I will certainly go loko!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Today the leaves have all fallen off trees
Birds fly in a ring and vultures sing
And planes all head to Florida keys.

It’s all a matter of will to climb a hill
Especially if you decide to go in the snow
But if my family goes, I will.

I’ll catalog our living, note our giving
For taxes and recruit some saxes
To play all night and day without halting.

Limerick Friday #21

There once was a boy who was real hairy
He needed a shave so he could marry
But his lesson was learned
When his hair got burned
He won’t get a haircut again from someone scary.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

There’s not much I value more
Than chewing on bacon in the morning.
I’ll chomp until my jaw is sore
Then reach for a bacon extension.

I love the way I can cook it all day.
It’s easy to eat ’til I’m weezy.
It never gets old, gets cold or grows mold.
I don’t turn on the vent because I like the scent.

But what’s better is when you share the room
So I’m going to buy you some bacon perfume.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

My partner is picky about cereal
We don’t have Capt. Crunch
Or Reeses Puffs for lunch.

One time, Lucky Charms
Had a limited edition comet
But she raised alarms
When I brought it to the apartment.

Once I made the mistake
Of serving something with a core
But she looked it over like an overdone steak
So I don’t buy apples anymore.

She’s always a critic
As I try to mimic Giada
But my meal was pale in comparison
And ended with nada.

So add this up and what’s the net?
For breakfast all I get is a cigarette.

Tuesday, October 9, 2010

Let me be candid:
I’m stranded
Without you.
I pad softly
Down the hallway
As a messenger to you.
I always make the decision
To leave a note on your door
I fear if you caught me
I’d be arrested and won’t see you anymore.
Not to be creepy,
I just want to play,
But you’re always sleepy
So I’ll continue to go on my way.

Monday, November 8, 2010

On the first day
God created the hipster
And it was his power to say,
“Give all the slackers radios.”

(Noah had to roll up
One pant leg to wade
When the oceans overflowed like a cup
After divine hurricanes.)

The world couldn’t just be boys
So they had some ribs,
Made some noise
And made Eve the breeder.

Then along came Conan --
He was a barbarian with a club --
He left the hipsters moanin’
Then looked for another fight.

This is how it will always start
So next time if you’re smart
You’ll invest in black frame glasses
And a fixie cart.

Limerick Friday #20

There once was a child who wanted to stand
She remembered to walk with a rose in her hand
But what a pity
She got lost in the city
And now every Friday she marches with a band.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I go bananas when I see you
My heart rate jumps in a flash
My mind goes blank with excitement
As if I just won the 100 meter dash.

I start to think I couldn’t fail to rhyme
With orange
If you gave me enough time.

A storm is shaking tropical fruit from trees.
You are the wind blowing free
I might fall off balance
But at least I’ll pass away with you in attendance.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Put some California avocados
In my catered meal.
I’ll enjoy it with Coloradan ale,
Make a deal
With my local miller
For a loaf of bread for filler
That’s never stale.
I want to be so full
I feel like I’m giving birth -
Fed from all you can pull from the earth.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

There are giant challenges to mount
This election day.
A study will say
You prefer Maradona
Over Madonna
But you can vote for whomever you wanna.
I hope people are grounded
In issues and not persuaded by fear
But I’m prepared with tearful tissues
In case it’s a Republican parade tonight I hear.

Monday, November 1, 2010

When you walk
You stomp
But don’t stop
We’re going to stomp around the block.
Let’s launch a rally
And light up the city when it’s dark.
As if there’s a marathon in progress
We’ll howl scream and bark
Out-dance the supercomputer
Like a John Henry story
Then smile
As cute as you can or cuter
And dance another mile.

Limerick Friday #19

There once was a girl stuck in a tower
A prince came to give her aid and a flower
But then the spire
Caught on fire
Killed by the heat, her spirit now haunts her bower.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

If loving you is against the law
Put me on trial.
I’ll do the time
And I’ll think of you all the while.

The sentence might be long
And when I’m out I’ll be old
But to be blunt
My passion won’t die, it’ll grow bold.

Just promise me
To not cut off communications
And when I’m free
We’ll celebrate with libations.

The cement wall between us
Might be covered in ivy
That that’s not the only thing to live
Our love will always be lively.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What do you call a whopper
That’s not yours?

Sorry for wolfing it down.

The sheen of grease it left behind
Is a telltale sign
I should cover it with sand.

I’ll stop being phony.
I owe you the restoration of your burger.
It’s the top meal.

But really it’s a steal.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Who makes the decisions around here
About how my dreams work?
I want to be the champion
And find where the dream machine lurks.
I would swiftly dethrone it
Possibly even throw it off a cliff
I’m not overly competitive
I just think owning my dreams should be my gift.
I’ll dedicate a whole office to it
Or maybe even an entire island
From now on my dreams won’t be plain
And you won’t be able to reach me from the mainland.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I drink so much Sumatra
In the early morning
That by the time daylight is bright
I’m debilitated by hiccups.
This ritual doesn’t have a name.
You could almost call it torture.
I hick and I cup so much that all my company
Runs away. And then it’s just me
Swimming in coffee
Without a witness I’m witless
And rarely described as an example of fitness.
I am the eye of my caffeine hurricane
And my hiccups are making me insane.

Limerick Friday #18

There once was a man stuck on a raft
He’d want to cover his head when he felt a draft
But he only had a swimsuit
So the point was moot
And he put his hands in the air and just laughed and laughed.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I could dream reams
Of verse about you.
Thankfully, we digitally
Can store ninety-nine books
On one computer,
Which is so new to hold.
Just plug into my head
See where this paranormal activity led
Or we could wallow in the willows
If the sky is beige, we’ll tell each other
What the clouds have said.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I separate bodily daily from you
But my heart you can hold
Until me to you is recalled.
I will tailor a costume heart
With real veins and purple flesh
To take with me as I go.
I will make a digital recreation
Of my heart that will give me spirit
While I am away.
I will be pregnant with longing
For you, and I will always return
For my heart. It’s an accepted maxim
Of traveling heart-smiths:
You can crawl on the road while heartless
But you won’t get dirty if you’re pure from the start.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

To be a night owl
And catch the band
Play a blue note
In dark shades on the stage

Is to buy the hype
That as the music rolls
Shattering
Literature is written on scrolls.

But why end a debate?

Who’s to say a swift wind
Through willow branches
In the pale morning
Reminds you of a cathedral,
Down a shaded path, constructed
Of towering forests?
Are there gargoyles in the reeds?

Let’s roll a nickel down the sidewalk at noon
And watch firsthand the fallout
Of racketeering with strangers.

Monday, October 18, 2010

I’ve mapped Boston.
It was as if my pen assaulted the paper.
I scribbled mad circles
And became injured from the labor.

At first I didn’t think
This was good for my heart.
But over time I learned
The road ends where it starts.

Finding my way could be called an obsession
It could be compared to battling a typhoon
But if I could figure out this city
I think I could even map the moon.

Limerick Friday #17

There once was a top mascot who was real fun
But he ate so much his belly resembled the sun.
He’d lose a pound a day
And what better way
He suited up and walked a full marathon.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I’m not an average traveler
So tell me it’s so
There better be a butler
On your UFO.

I’ll need to eat
More than cabbage,
I might be the only girl in the world
But I’m not a savage.

I might take a mistress
Out of a wrapper
Throw her in a mine
And dress her dapper.

But I’ll dine on sharks
While watching a movie
Then midway through
Pull on a hood and dance groovy.

If I wake you
When I sing
Just cover your ears
It’s a Jersey thing.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I’m just a guy
Climbing a tree.
This land of loners
Was made for me.

Don’t ask
How I got here
And don’t send
Rescue party near.

I’ll fly my flag
And text a princess
To invite her to the ball
In a sparkly dress.

Although I foresee
My downfall is narcolepsy
I won’t make it to the ball
But I’ll sleep in a tree.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

When you’re a jet, you’re a Jet
Unless you’re a Viking.
We have discovered
The king of football
Has no clothes.
So let’s play hockey.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I tried to drive through the gates
To the bank
But ended up offshore.
I was following Google maps
But it led to a mishap
And now my clutch foot is sore.
I was stoked when I learned
That people can always turn
And laws are just lore.
Now I’m the street king
Coming down the street mean
Even Columbus couldn’t navigate more.

Limerick Friday #16

There once was a man hungry for flour
He thought it would increase his power
But he took a nap
In a gap
Now if he sees a pirate he will cower.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

To be a genius,
Do you need a stamp of approval --
A Nobel prize to raise awareness
Of the sludge you’ve just written?

Are you a genius
If you’re prolific like water
In a river running downhill?

What if you just have nice arms
And your husband is president?

I like to think
Nobody has a handle
On genius.
It shines from afar in the night sky
Like Venus.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

He saw a cigar in a pile of moss
And shouted from a cliff, Hey that’s not green,
We need some environmental awareness,
Know what I mean?

I told him his protest was just lip service
And gave him a nudge,
Pointed to his sludge
And grilled him on policy, which made him nervous.

We all can’t live in Farmville,
Dieting on homegrown organics,
Sometimes you need some chemicals,
And I like mine with garlic!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I’m the head of my home office
Where everything is tidy and square.
It takes a certain amount of awareness
To keep a desk dustless and bare.

This is what happens when there’s a house
Without a housewife,
A monopoly is headed by a mouse
Who cuts the cheese without a knife.

I suppose I could hit the road
And sell politics door to door,
But that’s a powerful load
And I’d always be hungry for more.

Monday, October 4, 2010

It’s a mystery to me
How to navigate
Commonwealth Avenue.

Even with a college education
An apple a day
And a fully-loaded Mastercard,
I still need a map
And a T schedule
And God’s good grace
To get from one place to another.

I’m just another MBTA rider,
Sitting in front of a boozer,
Across from a hunter,
I feel like a gatherer.

I will collect this experience,
Combine it with yours
And others’
Collectively we will find our way,
Charging down the street
Like marathon runners
Hooting our horns
With a total disregard
For lanes and lights.

Limerick Friday #15

A Rutgers student wanted to run the planet
But he skipped school ‘cause he couldn’t stand it
So then his nanny
Spanked his fanny
And he spent a month with a strumpet.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

If I dated the sun
I doubt it would always be sunny.
If I dated a millionaire
I bet she wouldn’t give me money.
If I dated a storm
It would be wild and messy
If I dated a druggy
Her habit would bug me.
But I discovered you
And wake at just the right time
To see you open your eyes
And understand that I am yours, and you are mine.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

My housekeeper likes capers
But I’m tiring of piccata
So I introduced her to Martha Stuart
And she made an enchilada.

I instantly cancelled all my reservations,
The kitchen looked like it was hit by an earthquake,
So I tuned to disaster stations.

I’ll continue to protest
My dinner
Without rest
Until I’m a winner
At the Panda Express.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I was jumping in the kitchen
Booing the sink
The drain had been clogged
And it had begun to stink.

I searched through the mess
Of peppers, blackberries and shrimp,
Scooped it all in a cup
And then my arm went limp.

I saw something that made me ill
I thought it looked crispy
But then it roared like a bear,
And I fled quite briskly, which I think is only fair.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Life gave me a lemon
So I sucked it dry
It made me feel un-human
But I don’t know why.

Maybe I’ll take a UFO
And explore the southwest
Or maybe I’ll ride a Segway
Because they’re supposed to be the best.

All I need is a shirt on my back,
An egg to crack and some picked up slack.
Maybe next time I’ll see
The lemon falling from the tree directly on me.

Limerick Friday #14

There once was a man with the largest mustache
He would fly down the street and never crash
But one day he spoke
And began to choke
But some still say P.I. is better than M.A.S.H.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Zuckerberg waltzed into the casino
To try to find his friends.
He found a fox playing poker with dogs
Ignoring all the hens.

He did the grapevine around the corner
And found himself on Sesame Street.
He made a pledge to watch where he walked
Now he always stares at his feet.

He felt hollow and howled at the moon
Then he recalled a recent correspondence
And tried to write a letter to a man.
But he could only communicate by dance
And he couldn’t write that to a fan.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I flew from the Hilton in Paris to the one in Japan
The recession must be over. Am I rich enough to be your man?
This is what I did for love:
I danced on a dot
Across the map of the USA
But despite what you think, I’m not
Just an easy lay.
So let’s call in the bishop,
Trade some skips and some hops.
With a kiss I will adorn your lips
And hope the recession doesn’t end with an apocalypse.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tell me about your dancing pagan lady
I want to put her on film
She will come through the weeds
And throw her clay in the kiln.

Tell me she’s from Hawaii
Where the skies are never grey
But don’t tell me how old she is
Because I know she’d never say.

I don’t mean to be a spoiler
But I know she’ll be a star
You can bank on a sequel
Unless, like Lohan, she drives a car.

Monday, September 20, 2010

If I could redesign
The streets of Boston
I would paint lane lines
And give all pedestrians helmets.

The city planner
Must have spent too much time
At brewfest
Or else,
Practiced witchcraft.

You might drive down a street
And end in a lake,
Take a wrong turn to Mars,
Or end up in Japan or China,
Riding a colt instead of driving cars.

One could dream all autumn
About straight streets and traffic lights,
But when you see the city from top to bottom
You’ll only see Red Sox and Yankee fights.

The first couple weeks of September

I'm going to be pretty much out of touch for the next week or so while I relocate to Boston. Please enjoy the archives and I'll see you soon.

Limerick Friday #13

There once was a man who once was a child
He grew up in New Zealand and was wild
But then he grew wings
And for work he sings
But he still always fights when he gets riled.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I’m a brewer of vermillion apple cider
You’re a girl obsessed with a river
We’re just kids playing daring games
We’ll trade notes but hide our names.

I will point you toward the galaxy
We will enter a star in the lottery
We will know that we are tiny
We will look at each other and be shiny.

What do you say
This will be our day.