BRB

Currently on hiatus. But don’t worry too much, Daily Rhymes will come back bigger and more bad ass (and yet somehow loveable, like a fluffy raccoon), before you know it.

Monday, March 21, 2011

If a hobbit had a hobby,
It would probably involve
Mayo and lox more than
Bonds and stocks.

If the cookie monster had a career
It would probably involve
His love for chocolate snails
Instead of home sales.

If Spring needed a wingman
It could be me because
I’m big and sweet
And I shave my feet.

Limerick Friday #36

There once was a diet that promised you could see more
But it made you hairy, radioactive, and poor
The diet is whack
It makes you see black
But some people will always believe it to the core.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I was snooping through the weather report
To educate myself and things of that sort
I was shocked to see that it all is a sham,
And that the truth is hidden by the weatherman.

I said, “Yo dogg, that’s not right,
When the sky goes black doesn’t mean it’s night.
In fact, how do I know the snow is not actually cocaine?”
So Emily tried it and reported, Bah, it’s just rain.”

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

My bachelor pad is filled
With corned beef and cabbage,
But I don’t know why she treats me
Like a radioactive savage.

She won’t put her purse
On my meaty counter,
She won’t even walk through my hall
So I can’t see her graceful canter.

Instead, she marches away from me
And my heart feels an earthquake,
I think of all the meals together
That we will never make.

Monday, March 14, 2011

If ever there was a day for pie,
This is it,
The cake told me that
As it was about to be bit.

It drove me mad
To see a meltdown like that.
Do your job, I said.
Then I scarfed it all and got fat.

Now the cake is eating me
Like a praying mantis,
My stomach is a tsunami
And my bowels are Atlantis.

Limerick Friday #35

Earthquakes were once confined to a zone
But they heard of Hawaii and decided to roam
When the sun’s a scorcher
The climate is torture
But the environmentalists still rage alone.