What can I say? I'm on vacay.

Enjoy the Holidays - See you in January!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

You put a fire in my heart
And I couldn’t care less
About my health. Because
When our love started
We began with less than stealth.

You know, the only reason
My sentences are enjambed
Is because, like the rainy season,
My heart floods with adoration.
So please employ a little neutrality
Lest my syntax eclipses my reason
For writing so adorningly.

We could give up all these poetics
And let our mouths perform heroics
We wouldn’t have to be stoic
We would just eat blackberries in the sun.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The census said
Mariners bring in fish for food,
But reading the results you don’t get
The smell that comes with the net.
Though the stench is bad, you can’t sue,
We’re also told the fish is good for you.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The pirates in Portland are making a mutiny
They want to see the moon on the solstice
But they will only see it sparingly.

When you’re unemployed for so long
You begin to dodge responsibility,
You’ll keep repeating the same song
And croon to the moon unwittingly.

So maybe it’s time to tap that talent
And get back to making money before it’s spent.
Or if you don’t care to contribute to society
At least chip in on the rent.

Limerick Friday #25

There once was a man who never paid a bill
Eventually that led to his divorce from Jill
He was so lax
To never pay a tax
But he buys more diamonds just for the thrill.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It’s time to assemble our Christmas card,
Not to be grim, but it’s going to be hard.

If we get the pose right, the camera might stop shooting,
But for a successful picture, we’ll keep rooting.

It’ll be the best photo of all the years
Even if it costs a couple tears.

The card should be better than good,
Just like a Christmas tree isn’t just wood.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The king spoke loud and clear
He said, Hit me up
To all the friend he held dear.

He was furious
When the message spread to more,
All who were curious
Crossed the globe to hear his lore.

Some brought scarlet roses
Others thought they’d find a cure,
As they gathered like a tornado
The crowd became a blur.

The king got a riot
When all he wanted was to hang,
He would’ve preferred a whimper
But his message inspired a bang.

Monday, December 13, 2010

My rival was coming soon
So while I waited for his arrival
I put my eyes to the moon.

“Hopefully it won’t take long,”
Says Miley with her bong,
But she’s crazy as a loon.

I don’t know where I find the time
To make an honest rhyme
But it usually happens by noon.

But when no rival arrives
I just don’t have a choice,
I’ll break out in hives
If I don’t use my voice.

Limerick Friday #24

There once was a man who had a best pal
He was a cook who made meat most foul
He learned in London
Food fit for a dungeon
But they’re friendship faded when he went low cal.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

I took a book to the brook
But then it started to storm,
So I tried a trip to the beach
Until clouds started to form.

Maybe I’ll reserve a yurt
In a forest with caribou
Where I’ll read words on a shirt
And make French onion stew.

I would read in church
Where I would be alone
But I know as soon I start
I’ll hear the ringtone of a phone.

I hope you don’t think I’m a nerd without tact
But to concentrate I’ll need a contract barring contact.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

What is revealed
At the bottom of the cup?
Maybe a prize you can wield
Or the purr of a pup.

The options could number in the millions
Like stars across the universe,
But of knowing or not knowing
Which is better and which is worse?

All along there’s only one fact:
The only way to know is to interact.

Seeking Guest Daily Rhymer of the Times

When I first started this project
I didn’t know I’d be so invested,
Now as I offer insider trading
I just hope I’m not arrested.

Let me jet to the point
If there are poets wanting a day
In the caverns of interwebs
Send an email my way
And you can rhyme about celebs.

You can write about any trend you feel
So if you’re interested let’s make a deal.

Monday, December 6, 2010

When I didn’t see you
For a couple days,
You may have thought
I’d been injured in any amount of ways.

Despite attending a college hockey game
I escaped without a broken nose,
As I gracefully as I dodged deadlines
I’ll bring your curiosity to a close.

This whole time I’ve been walking
Because I ran out of gas
I need St. Nick in my stocking
To place a Fast Lane pass.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I tried to google your website
But all I saw was angry birds.
What’s wrong with the world
When I can’t type some words
To spy on all you do?
Next thing ya know
The internet will mark us
And friend and foe
Will never be free,
Prisons may spring from parks.
I’m off to hide in the lee
From this crazy wind
Like a televangelist who has sinned.