Tuesday, November 30, 2010

You had a lot of gall
To whip me in a puzzle of my own creation.
I must be aging
Like old laws in a new nation.
I hope for our sake
That my ancient foundation
Can withstand an earthquake.
Or I hope be on an airplane
When there’s divine rain
The water rises up Broadway
We can go east and away.

Limerick Friday #23

A president had a recipe for a soup of heart
He had the ingredients but didn’t know where to start
He didn’t know why
He started to cry
When he cut onion so instead he made a tart.

Happy Day!

What a great day for living
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

(What a mirth-day, have a great birthday)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What caused your laundry delay?
How long will it last?
You know I hate to say
The stench from your clothes
Is a blast
To my nose
So please wash them fast.
I’ll be thankful for a while
When you make the egg disappear
I’ll no doubt smile
When I hear
You’re lookin’ fine
With clothes as clean as mine.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I was in a garden
Full of black apples
And I thought to myself
I must jailbreak or grapple
With this situation myself
Since my elf was caught up in a stampede
I must take the lead
So I suspended all reason
Gave thanks for the season
And belted out like an opera star.
That’s when things went south
As I tried to go north far
Away from here
But wherever I look,
Behind every nook,
There’s always an apple near.

Monday, November 22, 2010

It was dangerous
I risked being punched
But I avoided assassination
And completed the task before lunch.

I almost had a meltdown
My vision went black,
But like a presbyopic prophet
I look to the far future by not looking back.

If I continue to avoid injury
I’ll take my act on tour
I’ll give the TSA a new name
Because we need more words not fewer.

You see, it’s not all that scary
I’ve just invented
An entirely new dictionary.

Limerick Friday #22

A woman whose favorite thing is mint fudge
Held a cooking contest which she would judge
She ate ‘til she was bloated
But her motives were decoded
When her extension belt just wouldn’t budge.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Adam and Eve were young in Eden
And it may have been a simple mistake
To take from the apple wood
For a family picnic by the lake.

But they were told
“This is my space, not yours.
I have a big eye in the sky,
You will know when it rains, it pours!”

Adam protested, “You know
I prefer berry to apple any day.
But you know how she is, God,
She always gets her way!”

As we know, his plea for an extension
Fell on deaf ears,
And now we’ve paid the price
For nearly sixty-five hundred years!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

When kids cheat
By dancing for a treat
All the scholars will lose
As through the course they cruise.

Wasn’t there a science guy
Who’d build a bridge to “why”?
And now it’s hard to gauge
If the school is actually a cage.

You could put teachers on trial
Or in their shoes walk a mile
But to beat cheats takes guile
And even working to together it’ll take a while.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I was tending to my Farmville patch
Waiting for the eggs to hatch
I was planting seeds to raise
Including peas, peppers and maize.

I found in the reeds on my plot
Some hidden tacos had begun to rot.
Of course, I was quickly compelled
To have them expelled.

But then my hunger really began,
I regretted the ban,
If I don’t get a taco
I will certainly go loko!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Today the leaves have all fallen off trees
Birds fly in a ring and vultures sing
And planes all head to Florida keys.

It’s all a matter of will to climb a hill
Especially if you decide to go in the snow
But if my family goes, I will.

I’ll catalog our living, note our giving
For taxes and recruit some saxes
To play all night and day without halting.

Limerick Friday #21

There once was a boy who was real hairy
He needed a shave so he could marry
But his lesson was learned
When his hair got burned
He won’t get a haircut again from someone scary.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

There’s not much I value more
Than chewing on bacon in the morning.
I’ll chomp until my jaw is sore
Then reach for a bacon extension.

I love the way I can cook it all day.
It’s easy to eat ’til I’m weezy.
It never gets old, gets cold or grows mold.
I don’t turn on the vent because I like the scent.

But what’s better is when you share the room
So I’m going to buy you some bacon perfume.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

My partner is picky about cereal
We don’t have Capt. Crunch
Or Reeses Puffs for lunch.

One time, Lucky Charms
Had a limited edition comet
But she raised alarms
When I brought it to the apartment.

Once I made the mistake
Of serving something with a core
But she looked it over like an overdone steak
So I don’t buy apples anymore.

She’s always a critic
As I try to mimic Giada
But my meal was pale in comparison
And ended with nada.

So add this up and what’s the net?
For breakfast all I get is a cigarette.

Tuesday, October 9, 2010

Let me be candid:
I’m stranded
Without you.
I pad softly
Down the hallway
As a messenger to you.
I always make the decision
To leave a note on your door
I fear if you caught me
I’d be arrested and won’t see you anymore.
Not to be creepy,
I just want to play,
But you’re always sleepy
So I’ll continue to go on my way.

Monday, November 8, 2010

On the first day
God created the hipster
And it was his power to say,
“Give all the slackers radios.”

(Noah had to roll up
One pant leg to wade
When the oceans overflowed like a cup
After divine hurricanes.)

The world couldn’t just be boys
So they had some ribs,
Made some noise
And made Eve the breeder.

Then along came Conan --
He was a barbarian with a club --
He left the hipsters moanin’
Then looked for another fight.

This is how it will always start
So next time if you’re smart
You’ll invest in black frame glasses
And a fixie cart.

Limerick Friday #20

There once was a child who wanted to stand
She remembered to walk with a rose in her hand
But what a pity
She got lost in the city
And now every Friday she marches with a band.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I go bananas when I see you
My heart rate jumps in a flash
My mind goes blank with excitement
As if I just won the 100 meter dash.

I start to think I couldn’t fail to rhyme
With orange
If you gave me enough time.

A storm is shaking tropical fruit from trees.
You are the wind blowing free
I might fall off balance
But at least I’ll pass away with you in attendance.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Put some California avocados
In my catered meal.
I’ll enjoy it with Coloradan ale,
Make a deal
With my local miller
For a loaf of bread for filler
That’s never stale.
I want to be so full
I feel like I’m giving birth -
Fed from all you can pull from the earth.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

There are giant challenges to mount
This election day.
A study will say
You prefer Maradona
Over Madonna
But you can vote for whomever you wanna.
I hope people are grounded
In issues and not persuaded by fear
But I’m prepared with tearful tissues
In case it’s a Republican parade tonight I hear.

Monday, November 1, 2010

When you walk
You stomp
But don’t stop
We’re going to stomp around the block.
Let’s launch a rally
And light up the city when it’s dark.
As if there’s a marathon in progress
We’ll howl scream and bark
Out-dance the supercomputer
Like a John Henry story
Then smile
As cute as you can or cuter
And dance another mile.