Thursday, September 30, 2010

If I dated the sun
I doubt it would always be sunny.
If I dated a millionaire
I bet she wouldn’t give me money.
If I dated a storm
It would be wild and messy
If I dated a druggy
Her habit would bug me.
But I discovered you
And wake at just the right time
To see you open your eyes
And understand that I am yours, and you are mine.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

My housekeeper likes capers
But I’m tiring of piccata
So I introduced her to Martha Stuart
And she made an enchilada.

I instantly cancelled all my reservations,
The kitchen looked like it was hit by an earthquake,
So I tuned to disaster stations.

I’ll continue to protest
My dinner
Without rest
Until I’m a winner
At the Panda Express.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I was jumping in the kitchen
Booing the sink
The drain had been clogged
And it had begun to stink.

I searched through the mess
Of peppers, blackberries and shrimp,
Scooped it all in a cup
And then my arm went limp.

I saw something that made me ill
I thought it looked crispy
But then it roared like a bear,
And I fled quite briskly, which I think is only fair.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Life gave me a lemon
So I sucked it dry
It made me feel un-human
But I don’t know why.

Maybe I’ll take a UFO
And explore the southwest
Or maybe I’ll ride a Segway
Because they’re supposed to be the best.

All I need is a shirt on my back,
An egg to crack and some picked up slack.
Maybe next time I’ll see
The lemon falling from the tree directly on me.

Limerick Friday #14

There once was a man with the largest mustache
He would fly down the street and never crash
But one day he spoke
And began to choke
But some still say P.I. is better than M.A.S.H.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Zuckerberg waltzed into the casino
To try to find his friends.
He found a fox playing poker with dogs
Ignoring all the hens.

He did the grapevine around the corner
And found himself on Sesame Street.
He made a pledge to watch where he walked
Now he always stares at his feet.

He felt hollow and howled at the moon
Then he recalled a recent correspondence
And tried to write a letter to a man.
But he could only communicate by dance
And he couldn’t write that to a fan.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I flew from the Hilton in Paris to the one in Japan
The recession must be over. Am I rich enough to be your man?
This is what I did for love:
I danced on a dot
Across the map of the USA
But despite what you think, I’m not
Just an easy lay.
So let’s call in the bishop,
Trade some skips and some hops.
With a kiss I will adorn your lips
And hope the recession doesn’t end with an apocalypse.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tell me about your dancing pagan lady
I want to put her on film
She will come through the weeds
And throw her clay in the kiln.

Tell me she’s from Hawaii
Where the skies are never grey
But don’t tell me how old she is
Because I know she’d never say.

I don’t mean to be a spoiler
But I know she’ll be a star
You can bank on a sequel
Unless, like Lohan, she drives a car.

Monday, September 20, 2010

If I could redesign
The streets of Boston
I would paint lane lines
And give all pedestrians helmets.

The city planner
Must have spent too much time
At brewfest
Or else,
Practiced witchcraft.

You might drive down a street
And end in a lake,
Take a wrong turn to Mars,
Or end up in Japan or China,
Riding a colt instead of driving cars.

One could dream all autumn
About straight streets and traffic lights,
But when you see the city from top to bottom
You’ll only see Red Sox and Yankee fights.

The first couple weeks of September

I'm going to be pretty much out of touch for the next week or so while I relocate to Boston. Please enjoy the archives and I'll see you soon.

Limerick Friday #13

There once was a man who once was a child
He grew up in New Zealand and was wild
But then he grew wings
And for work he sings
But he still always fights when he gets riled.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

I’m a brewer of vermillion apple cider
You’re a girl obsessed with a river
We’re just kids playing daring games
We’ll trade notes but hide our names.

I will point you toward the galaxy
We will enter a star in the lottery
We will know that we are tiny
We will look at each other and be shiny.

What do you say
This will be our day.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

You are a Sagittarius
And I’m Capricorn
But I care more about astronomy
Than astrology.
We can touch the stars
And create the sound of orchestras.

As we tap them they will fall
Like apples
And dazzle in the outer atmosphere
Before landing on deserted islands.

Then we will sing to the sky together
Harmonizing as we blare our love
From our throats in the hurricane
Of shooting stars around us.