Monday, January 31, 2011

What is the internet
If not a new place to buy pajamas?
The designers must have meant
To make us all bananas.

You can use it to creep,
Or find updates on Egypt,
But really it’s a playground
That’s more of a tweet than a beep.

So remember to use it well
And use it often
And don’t mind your mind
When it begins to soften.

Limerick Friday #29

There once was a man named Morgan
He ate so much pizza he needed a new organ
He screamed in vowels
When they took his bowels
And then he stormed out to find a bear in Oregon.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

If you build a wall to resist me
I’ll catapult myself over.
If you close you ears to my songs
I’ll build a stage and holler.

If you retreat to an island,
I’ll appear with a piano.
If you are the prize at a science fair
I’ll construct a volcano.

If you bury yourself in work
I’ll build you an office at home,
Or if you stay on the lawn
I’ll collect a million gnomes.

By the time you date me,
I’ll be proven mad certifiably.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

If you hack at words enough
You might create poetry.
I tried this theory at piano
And banged out a minor key.
Next, I shook a mango
And threw a lizard at a tree.
The audience watched with puppy eyes
And pretended they couldn’t see.
Now that I recall it all
There could have been a silent protest
But I kept hacking away
So that it finally turned into a literary fest.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Sometimes I feel like a mayor
Of a foreclosed state.
Everyone is bankrupt,
The protests are full of hate.

At those times
It’s up to me to nominate
Someone not just not loathsome
But someone actually great.

So you’ll use a walker
To shuffle into the barn,
And I’ll give you the bad news,
The IRS are taking the farm.

What hope will we have then?
Just half hopes of sisters and a brother.
You’d suggest we raise an army,
But I’d say we shouldn’t even bother.

Monday, January 24, 2011

There’s no temperature
More loathsome than zero.
When it gets this cold
I’m no hero.

Because of the snow banks
There’s no place to park.
This weather would make me jaded
If it permanently stayed so dark.

But I have hope
Because the sister of winter is spring.
And when I’ll see the sun
It’ll give me reason to bring out my bling.

Limerick Friday #28

There once was an ape who had a woman in the wing
They got attached without any string
Their affair was animal
Until it turned cannibal
And now they just smile like housewives and say it was a fling.