Monday, January 24, 2011

There’s no temperature
More loathsome than zero.
When it gets this cold
I’m no hero.

Because of the snow banks
There’s no place to park.
This weather would make me jaded
If it permanently stayed so dark.

But I have hope
Because the sister of winter is spring.
And when I’ll see the sun
It’ll give me reason to bring out my bling.

Limerick Friday #28

There once was an ape who had a woman in the wing
They got attached without any string
Their affair was animal
Until it turned cannibal
And now they just smile like housewives and say it was a fling.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

If I was in the mood for food,
You’d call me a hungry girl.
If I was sand polished smooth
You’d call me a pearl.

If you told me to stop writing poems
And start looking for jobs,
I’d say maybe you’re right
And maybe I’ll work at Bob’s.

If I asked you what team you play on,
I hope you’d say skins,
And if I asked what your record is
I bet you’d say the team always wins.

If you suggest we go up a mountain
I’d suggest a trip to the fountain,
I’d say, In a blizzard all you see is white
And I don’t want to let you out of my sight.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Put me in, Coach!
I’ll commit a felony!
I’ll sing the national anthem
Extremely out of melody.

The league’s watchdog
Will tell me I pale in comparison,
Arrest me for breaking God’s law,
And send me to prison.
Some spectators will demand a refund

Others will think it’s funny,
But all will act like a baby
When they find Texas has all the money.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Some might say I look hungover from my birthday
But at least we raised our arms and got low.
You could worry about my stomach
But the extent of the damage you couldn’t really know.
So maybe I’ll quit partying
Like Regis quit his show,
I’m certainly not young,
Everyday I tend to grow,
But maybe I’ll curl up like a baby,
Grab an apple and get with the flow.
I know one thing’s for sure,
I ain’t shoveling this bullshit snow.

Limerick Friday #27

There once was a celebrity who turned into a rat
But he still ate like a human and got really fat
He started to faint
Then was touched by a saint
But the press will never report all that.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

There’s a lot of snow
But at least it’s not mud.
We’re tired of it now
But when it melts, it’ll flood.

I made a snow-woman
But got a cold when I kissed her.
Then I was arrested
Because it turns out she’s my sister.

The weather is new every morning
Just like newborn babies.
But right now I just need a shovel
To dig out my Mercedes.