I looked on LinkedIn
And saw that Chuck Norris
Is king of the world.
I was confused
Because I thought Ashley Olsen
Or the head of North Korea
Held the crown that was impearled.
Just when I couldn’t bear anymore
Sean Parker robbed the status
And immediately my vision swirled.
Turns out, it’s not the Dalai Lama
Or the richest man
Whose name is on the banner unfurled.
The world belongs to Bubba
In Wisconsin
Who stays under his desk, curled.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
When I was a young writer
I cared more about cowboys than poetry.
I practiced lassoing dragons
And getting shot stoically.
I’d break rules high and low
And create rituals with tiki lamps,
I’d play cops and catch robbers
And I’d hide under Gramps.
But then I discovered you
And my destiny locked me in chains.
I have to write love poems
And I write them more often than it rains.
I cared more about cowboys than poetry.
I practiced lassoing dragons
And getting shot stoically.
I’d break rules high and low
And create rituals with tiki lamps,
I’d play cops and catch robbers
And I’d hide under Gramps.
But then I discovered you
And my destiny locked me in chains.
I have to write love poems
And I write them more often than it rains.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Who says you shouldn’t drink tiger blood?
I heard it makes you fat on Tuesday,
And by Wednesday you’re turned to ash.
If it rains on Thursday, you’ll be caked with mud.
That’s how it affects most people, anyway,
Women are at higher risk, doctors tend to say.
It turned a woodman into a king
Who wielded a machete
Until he accidentally cut his ponytail
And then cowered from the confetti.
I hope to become a captain
Riding the highest wave’s crest in the sea.
I’m going to fill a whole cauldron
And pour it all over me.
I heard it makes you fat on Tuesday,
And by Wednesday you’re turned to ash.
If it rains on Thursday, you’ll be caked with mud.
That’s how it affects most people, anyway,
Women are at higher risk, doctors tend to say.
It turned a woodman into a king
Who wielded a machete
Until he accidentally cut his ponytail
And then cowered from the confetti.
I hope to become a captain
Riding the highest wave’s crest in the sea.
I’m going to fill a whole cauldron
And pour it all over me.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
I’m a knight in shining armor
But I don’t do well in the summer
Because the heat gets me crying.
On a mission to a volcano
I sent an apprentice in my stead,
He returned on fire with sweat quickly drying.
I’ve been getting fat
While I sit here reading
But if I told you this is the life I’d be lying.
If the tournament’s scheduled in winter
Like the Iditarod,
Then I’ll be skippy while sending my foes out dying.
But I don’t do well in the summer
Because the heat gets me crying.
On a mission to a volcano
I sent an apprentice in my stead,
He returned on fire with sweat quickly drying.
I’ve been getting fat
While I sit here reading
But if I told you this is the life I’d be lying.
If the tournament’s scheduled in winter
Like the Iditarod,
Then I’ll be skippy while sending my foes out dying.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Limerick Friday #34
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Women idolize the sun,
Let it shine bright white,
They want me to become
Red as a lobster.
I’ll move to Florida
Where my code of GTL
And my tiger’s blood smell
Will attract cougars.
Now I remember I’m a king
And I already have a girlfriend
But she wants me tan, too,
So my UV abuse will never end.
Let it shine bright white,
They want me to become
Red as a lobster.
I’ll move to Florida
Where my code of GTL
And my tiger’s blood smell
Will attract cougars.
Now I remember I’m a king
And I already have a girlfriend
But she wants me tan, too,
So my UV abuse will never end.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
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