Wednesday, September 29, 2010

My housekeeper likes capers
But I’m tiring of piccata
So I introduced her to Martha Stuart
And she made an enchilada.

I instantly cancelled all my reservations,
The kitchen looked like it was hit by an earthquake,
So I tuned to disaster stations.

I’ll continue to protest
My dinner
Without rest
Until I’m a winner
At the Panda Express.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I was jumping in the kitchen
Booing the sink
The drain had been clogged
And it had begun to stink.

I searched through the mess
Of peppers, blackberries and shrimp,
Scooped it all in a cup
And then my arm went limp.

I saw something that made me ill
I thought it looked crispy
But then it roared like a bear,
And I fled quite briskly, which I think is only fair.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Life gave me a lemon
So I sucked it dry
It made me feel un-human
But I don’t know why.

Maybe I’ll take a UFO
And explore the southwest
Or maybe I’ll ride a Segway
Because they’re supposed to be the best.

All I need is a shirt on my back,
An egg to crack and some picked up slack.
Maybe next time I’ll see
The lemon falling from the tree directly on me.

Limerick Friday #14

There once was a man with the largest mustache
He would fly down the street and never crash
But one day he spoke
And began to choke
But some still say P.I. is better than M.A.S.H.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Zuckerberg waltzed into the casino
To try to find his friends.
He found a fox playing poker with dogs
Ignoring all the hens.

He did the grapevine around the corner
And found himself on Sesame Street.
He made a pledge to watch where he walked
Now he always stares at his feet.

He felt hollow and howled at the moon
Then he recalled a recent correspondence
And tried to write a letter to a man.
But he could only communicate by dance
And he couldn’t write that to a fan.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I flew from the Hilton in Paris to the one in Japan
The recession must be over. Am I rich enough to be your man?
This is what I did for love:
I danced on a dot
Across the map of the USA
But despite what you think, I’m not
Just an easy lay.
So let’s call in the bishop,
Trade some skips and some hops.
With a kiss I will adorn your lips
And hope the recession doesn’t end with an apocalypse.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tell me about your dancing pagan lady
I want to put her on film
She will come through the weeds
And throw her clay in the kiln.

Tell me she’s from Hawaii
Where the skies are never grey
But don’t tell me how old she is
Because I know she’d never say.

I don’t mean to be a spoiler
But I know she’ll be a star
You can bank on a sequel
Unless, like Lohan, she drives a car.